Most modern relationships are fake, and if you want to get fun out of the fake, then date a Nairobi girl. In this city, relationships can last as long as a few hours. To every alcoholic, every girl in the club is beautiful. To every Facebooker, every female friend is a potential hooker. To every pastor, every female ‘sheep’ is mutton.
Getting a girl to date in Nairobi is as easy as ABC. Whether at church, in the pub, matatu, park, bank, office, carwash, Mpesa shop, supermarket, mall, restaurant, dating website, or escort directory, there are plenty of Nairobi girls who are looking for someone like you. If you want your relationship with your newly found Nairobi flame to last, there are things you should never do.
5 things that irk Nairobi girls
1. Sleeping in a house you have not paid for
So you have met a beautiful young lady on the streets of Nairobi, she knows how to dress well, takes good care of herself and you cannot wait to meet again? You invite her to a date and you cannot help but tell her how God revealed to you last night that she is the one?
Enjoy your newly found flame, but as long as you are not paying her rent, do not go for a sleepover. Even if her house looks like the home you have dreaming of, visit and leave when she says so. If you have a good calendar for the string of girls you are seeing, meet at your place but if she is only a temporary flame, meet at a hotel, or lodge. After all, her potential husband may see you coming from her house early in the morning and change mind.
2. Showing up at her place empty-handed
Women love gifts, and Nairobi women top in this list. Whether it is shopping for the month, a new dress, pair of shoes, a laptop, a mobile phone, ensure that you do not show up empty-handed. Gone are the days you would buy her a piece of chips funga or a few bottles of beer and slide all the way to her heart (read pants).
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Thanks to sponsors, they have taught Nairobi girls that they are worth a holiday of a lifetime, cars, and houses – even though they repossess when leaving. Nevertheless, a small gift will always surface. A packet of cornflakes and a box of milk will ensure you have something to drink when you visit her house. Alternatively, buy a mzinga and spoil yourself out of the curfew.
3. Failing to send her fare
Every hot Nairobi girl must ‘eat fare’, no matter your level or rank. You can book an Uber, send a bodaboda guy to pick her, or even drive to pick her up for a date but one thing she will never forgive you for is failing to send fare.
A real Nairobi girl must eat fare. She will ask you to send as she is taking a shower. A few minutes later you will call and she will say she is wearing makeup. After two hours she will say she is on her way. At 10 pm you will realise curfew has already started before she could arrive, and then when you call to ask how far she is, she will apologise that her friend Jackie came as she was leaving the house. This is a phase you must pass through. Men who did not have their fare eaten are already sponsors at 34.
4. Being real
We said that Nairobians love fake relationships. If a girl asks you where you work, do not start telling her that you work in mjengo, or as a loader somewhere. No. Tell her you are a lawyer, a CEO or something like that.
If she asks how much money you make do not tell her either. Just make sure you have enough money to pay for whatever she buys on the way. Most men already know that if a girl asks whether he is married the answer is always No. And if he is seen with his child, that child is always a sibling. If seen with his wife, that is another woman who has been trying to seduce him. Or his sister, or mother or friend.
In the same manner, do not expect your Nairobi girlfriend to have real eyebrows, real hair, real boobs, real skin colour, real job or a real butt.
In Nairobi, fake is sexy.
5. Introducing her to your friends …
Or family, especially if you do not intend to make it last. If you have a friend or family member who has more money than you, keep away from introductions. It does not matter whether that wealthier person is your own father.
The moment your Nairobi girlfriend finds where the money is, there will go her heart. Alternatively, if you are the richer one and happen to dump her someday, she will move on with her crush who will be another male within your circles. You will see them posting their happy pictures on Facebook, and he may actually end up marrying her.
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Similarly, respect her decision to not call you honey or sweetheart or even introduce you as her boyfriend. She probably understands how fragile Nairobi relationships are, and will not position herself as a serial dater just because you want to be recognised.
Disclaimer:
I am not a relationship expert and this article is only based on my personal observations. Anything written here is for the purpose of information only. People in serious relationship problems should seek professional counseling.
