Are women their own enemies?

Women are friends until a man comes into the picture!

Many people say that women are their own enemies. I have personally had both male and female friends, but it is bullsh*t to hear a woman say oh, women are devils, oh I cannot have a woman as a best friend and such other shenanigans. Women who believe that women are bad bosses, bad besties are wrong. But as I have come to realise, there are ways you need to interact with your female friends in order to form a lasting healthy bond.

Let me start by saying that I have had many failed friendships with women. Sometimes I was the jerk, sometimes they were and sometimes it just couldn’t work. I also need to say that before you call someone of the opposite gender your best friend, you need to establish the motive behind their friendship. Men are very calculated and majority know that a time will come when honey will start dripping. So they will patiently stay as friends.

My son’s school is headed by a female teacher. We had a cordial relationship until she saw a dad’s name in his diary. She called immediately to say that they will not allow a father’s name, because they don’t know me. If you are not aware, I was a single mum for a while before I finally got a life partner who gave my son his name to use for various purposes. This call with madam Principal was followed by a number of very funny and unexpected gestures that have turned our once neutral relationship sour.

We always visit the school with my partner. One time we enter the Principal’s office and when she saw a ring on my finger tears formed in her eyes. But she did not let them fall. The ring needed some decoration and had to go back to the jeweler, so the next time we visited madam Principal there was no ring. She came out to meet us with a fake ‘Couple of the year’compliment. Since my partner came into the picture, she started saying that we are lucky to have a son like mine. And whenever she is talking to us, she looks at my partner because in her head I don’t matter, and it is not my effort.

Actually, I had underestimated her hatred until recently I realized that she deleted my number and has been finding all excuses in the world to call my partner. The only number she has is his, though she once said they don’t recognise the man! She went as far as searching our estate on Google to see where we stay. It was so shocking to hear her say: “I have friends who stay around your area and they said it is one of the best places to live.” Then we wrote a check to pay my son’s school fees balance, after which I sent the duplicate copy to the school manager on Whatsapp. When my partner called to ask about the receipt, the manager said they will issue it later only for madame Principal to call my partner a few minutes later claiming to be following up on the payment. Well, we had decided to pair our calls so that every time she calls I am also present and so that is what happened. She shamelessly asked him to Whatsapp the duplicate copy to her, but I gladly told her to check the school Whatsapp because I had already sent it.

A few days later, madame Principal found herself calling my partner again to ask if he was aware of a school trip that my son was supposed to attend. We had already agreed that he was not going for the trip because it was not possible for the school to take them where they were promising to take them, and also because we had made holiday arrangements with the boy. So Principal found me on the line as agreed, and we told her that the boy is not going. We asked her to call later so we may see if the boy is willing to go, only for her to tell him to call me using the matron’s number. Her phone has become very allergic to me. My son said he did not want to go so it ended there.

On the day they were going for the trip, we received a call from the school. I listened to the secretary narrate how I had refused to let my son go for the school trip and insisted that he was busy, and that the school will not injure the boy in order to please the mother. ‘The mother needs to know abcd, the mother she said this and that, the mother does not care for the welfare of the boy…’ and am wondering, what are they driving at. So I gladly tell her that we need to respect each other and they should stop putting words in my mouth. I was told that the report was issued by madame Principal, and asked that she be stopped. However, I just learnt that it was not just the Principal but the ladies at that office were used to driving a wedge between parents and children, and between couples. These are the people who kept saying that we are lucky to have a son like mine, without knowing that he is who he is because I am his mother.

At the end of the call, they said if am not comfortable with them calling my husband I should give them an alternative number. Not that I said I was not comfortable or because they did not have my number. When we have fees balance they call me to rant. And because it has been hard to talk to my husband privately, they have concluded that I am not comfortable. Which is true anyway.

Now, I learnt from the start that the presence of a man was destroying the parent-teacher relationship I had with Madam Principal. And that she was eager to have secret conversations with the man in my life. So what did I do? I gave her the freedom to continue calling him. I did not ask why she deleted my number – if she really has. But I have just made sure that there are no private communications. Even when they are reporting me to my son’s stepdad, I am there listening. I let them finish reporting, then answer them. Of course from our interactions, they never learn, but for now, the message is clear. This will not stop me from visiting madam Principal’s office whenever there is need, nor will it stop me from visiting the school when needed.

Watch out for part two which will be merged with my experience with househelps part 2