Home Nairobi Raha Dating single mums – Guys’ perspective

Dating single mums – Guys’ perspective


Guys have different opinions about dating single mums. Unfortunately, according to dating forums, most single moms in Kenya attract horny men who are looking for an easy bang. International dating sites are also full of hobbyists who look for single moms specifically for free sex instead of hiring an escort. If you are an avid reader of forums you will see a large number of men recommend single mums to guys who need free sex while keeping away from prostitutes.

Don’t date single mums for sex

However, men like Aaron who has been raising his children as a single dad, advises men to keep off single moms if their only motivation is sex. “Guys, if you’re just in it for the ass, then keep walking and don’t bother her. She has enough on her plate already and doesn’t need your extra helping of crap. If you’re a good man that has some love to give, and you’re willing to take a packaged deal, then a good single mom is hard to beat.”

He considers men who date single moms extremely lucky because majority turn out to be “real hardworking, loving and caring gems.”

Baby daddy lost, I gained

For Kelly, who married a single mum, life could never have been better. “The biological father basically abandoned her when she got pregnant at age 19. Honestly, I am very thankful that he did, his loss, my gain.” He is very grateful to have been of his step-daughter who is now all grown and with children of her own!

“My mum deserves the love she desires”

From the perspective of the child who was raised by a single mom, different people also have different opinions. There are those who think their moms should not date, while others feel that their moms deserve another chance at love.

Jayant, who lost his father to a hit-and-run accident at 19, says that there is no debate as to whether or not to date a single mum because “I am going to give all my love to that lady, and I am going to take back even more.” All he wants is for people like his mom to get all the love they desire from a caring man.

Taking care of single mum’s children

While some men find it hard to bring up another man’s child, others like Idris feel that it is a privilege to be involved in the upbringing of another man’s child. “Personally, I believe in the first place, I might be doing a favor to society by reducing the workload on a woman with a kid or kids. Secondly, it’s a measure of how far I can go on a personal goal of mine of just being human to humanity. Taking care of a kid or kids that aren’t mine, providing for them, supporting them and all.

Why guys hate dating single mums

On the flip side, there are men who have vowed to never get involved romantically with a single mum. Some have dated single moms before and lost.

Dealing with baby daddy

Most men cannot put up with the baby daddy drama that accompanies these kinds of relationships while others do not like the idea of competing for attention – with the baby or baby daddy. For instance, Benjamin says he was having a good relationship until “the father of her child wanted a second chance.” After she insisted that going back was the best decision for her daughter, Benjamin let her go. However, after two months she got pregnant with the ex, got a second baby and wanted to pick up from where they left.”

Though Jeremy has not been involved with a single mom, he feels that she will always “be connected for life to her baby daddy,” which is itself enough drama. Dealing with a baby daddy is something majority of men don’t want to go through, with some having even been involved in a fistfight with their girlfriends’ exes. Most of the single moms who got married never had the baby daddy in the picture.

Financial burden

However, the absence of a baby daddy means that the woman is carrying all the financial and emotional burden, which may have to be passed on to her boyfriend or husband. While some men are ok with this, others feel it is unnecessary baggage. The presence of a baby daddy may also make her children to not respect you because they already have a daddy.

Read Also: Single mom survival tips – How to strike a balance in life

Limited time to date

Because of the limited time, men who date single moms have to understand that her child comes first. You may have to deal with missed, canceled or few dates, never meeting her children and so forth. Men who love night outs and going on cruises find this a major turn off because the woman cannot leave her children unattended for long.

Breaking up with single mom hurts the baby

And if a woman manages to introduce the men to her children, it is likely that they will form a bond. While this is a good thing for both of them, it can have devastating effects in case of a breakup. First, the child’s trust is broken, and the man also must suffer a double break up. This is why James advises single moms to look for a father and husband and not a boyfriend because it will spare their child a lot of heartaches.

Different parenting styles

In the case of marriage, men consider single mums to be an excellent choice because they already have experience with men and children. However, their parenting rules may conflict with yours. Some do not welcome the idea of getting more children, but those who got married said they were open to getting more children with their husbands.

Things to consider before dating a single mum

Before dating a single mum, you need to consider the following:

  1. Financial status. Most single moms are hardworking, but when you get involved with one you need to discuss finances. Is the father taking responsibility, or will you have to chip in financially?
  2. Time. Most single moms are strapped for time, and to organize a face to face meeting may take a while. You may need to plan for dates ahead and be prepared for unforeseen circumstances that could lead to the cancelation of the date.
  3. Relationship with the baby daddy. Is he available and what is the nature of their engagement? The presence of a baby daddy can be relieving especially when it comes to finances, but men fear that he will always come before you. He will hate you, try to get in bed with your woman or even attempt to get her back hence leave you high and dry.
  4. Meeting her children. Do not rush a single mom to introduce you to her children. They have a good reason not to introduce their children to multiple men. Give her time and when she feels it is the right time, she will do the intros.
  5. Goals and expectations. Many horny men are picking single mums for one-night-stands. You need to be upfront with her about your expectations. They may pass you through a very harsh test to see if you can make a good daddy. If all you want is sex, do not lead her into believing you want something serious. And while at it, do not add her weight by planting more seeds. You also need to look at her goals. Is she in this for financial support, or has she carefully considered having a serious relationship with you?

In conclusion, dating a single mom can be exciting but requires a lot of courage. When you meet a man, it is important to mention your children so as to avoid future disappointment. Some men run away at the mention of kids, while others are very interested in watching your kids grow.

Do not waste time trying to convince a man to give you a chance. Look for a man who is open to dating single moms, and set your own rules of engagement. Solve matters with the baby daddy, and ensure the man you are seeing likes children. Let there be an open discussion about your expectations and the extent the man will be involved in the kids’ lives. As for men, it is important to keep off single moms if you are not willing to establish a relationship with both the mon and the child.



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