Home Nairobi Dating Modern dating: Why you are unable to sustain a relationship

Modern dating: Why you are unable to sustain a relationship


Why you are unable to sustain a relationship or marriage

Does love hurt so bad?

“If love’s so nice, tell me tell me why it hurts so bad….” goes the classical reggae hit by Junior Kelly. People are always falling in and out of love, yet we have been taught that “Love never ends.” I actually know people who have dated more people than their years. They meet someone today in the pub, matatu, church, workplace, or social media, meetup the following day for a date that ends in sex, loss the thrill, dump them and look for the next most exciting date. And the cycle continues.

So, what are some of the reasons people nowadays are unable to sustain a relationship or marriage?

Emotional cheating

The reason most people fall out of love is because there are many thrillers out there. Start chatting someone and suddenly you will develop an emotional attachment that makes you want to try someone new every day. The difference between chatmates and life partners is that one is there temporarily and therefore will have all the time to entertain and make you feel special. Within a short period, you are dating them. As they take a more permanent position and your interactions become more regular, you will see a side of them you never saw. If you have more chatmates – who are in plenty on the internet, you will soon find yourself emotionally connected to another and the cycle continues. Within no time, you have dated all your ‘friends’ and still not in any meaningful relationship.


With the increase of online dating platforms including whatsapp and other social networks, people can rarely stay faithful to one partner. Readily available dates have made it impossible for people to build lasting relationships. If you are used to picking up girls for free sex, you will never value any woman who comes to you with strict boundaries. You will always expect women to give in easily and live by your rules. Same applies to women. The moment you enter into conflict, you will find the easiest way out and into another speed date. It is hard to teach an old dog new tricks and so if you are not used to building relationships, you will never invest in one.

Bad company

It is said that you are like the people you interact with. If you have a friend who loathes marriage, it is very hard to think about or respect it. If you have friends like a guy I know, your friends will always bring you women when they know you are in a serious relationship. How and when will you think about committing to one if your friends think you deserve several?

Lack of mentors

We take more time to prepare for a job that lasts a few years than a marriage that lasts a lifetime. Majority of people actually prepare more for the wedding day than the life after. If you go to school to learn how to be a good employee, why can’t you invest time to learn how to be a good partner? Learning about marriage is easy when you have a good mentor. A young woman needs the counsel of a successful wife, while a young man needs to learn from successful husbands. Today, however, the mentors are few and young people have no time to learn about marriage.


You cannot be successful in dating if you are selfish with your time and/or money. When you choose to use your time just doing your own stuff or with your friends instead of your mate, you are simply saying “I am unavailable,” “I hate spending time with you,” or “I have better things to do.” Regarding finances, a man must naturally offer financial support, love and protection to his woman. If these are lacking, the relationship will break down. As a helpmeet, a woman needs to cover some bills if she is financially stable. If her money is hers alone, there will be bad blood.

Mismatched priorities

If your priorities are not the same, you will always go your separate ways. If you are going two separate directions, how will you find a common ground?

Building a lasting relationship takes patience and a lot of tolerance. You need to ditch the ATM and microwave lifestyle if you want to keep a relationship. Your relationship needs watering and nurturing to mature. Take time to develop your character. Walk with a mentor and be the ideal mate that your ideal mate seeks.


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Linguistics graduate and seasoned online journalist, researcher, content manager and SEO analyst.