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Rejection; why it happens and what to do about it

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Have you been in a relationship where all was going well but one day they just decided to walk away – with or without a word? You are left wondering what you did wrong, but could not get it? The answer is, they left because their mission in your life was over!

I have been rejected a thousand times, but I never waste time whining; I just pick myself up and continue with my journey. I have also rejected people, and a couple of my friends have also been rejected. Men are more familiar with rejection, especially when looking for a partner.

Rejection is not easy to handle. Most of the times, it leaves you feeling deflated, dejected, unwanted, useless, hopeless … like a failure. But if you look carefully, you will find some treasure in the rubble.

Personally, I can say that over 70 per cent of the people I have met in the past walked away – both men and women. There are those who walked away after learning that I did not belong to their ethnic group, others after learning that I am from a humble background, and others (especially men) after learning that I am a mother! Being a melancholy, I am also that kind of a person who keeps talking to people who have already shut me out, because I believe this journey would be long if we go on ignoring others. Yes, if you have unanswered messages from me, you are not alone; I have a whole archive of unreturned greetings and unanswered messages. This is why I always answer – to messages, emails etc.

But I have come to appreciate departures – with or without goodbyes. They are all for a good cause.

Consider this. A lady friend once told me how a guy she loved snubbed her and even went abroad. He behaved as if she did not exist. She cried all tears, and later after she healed and moved on, she heard that he had died! Was she rejected for a bad cause? No! God knew she could not handle the pain of death. I am not saying that everyone who rejects you will die, but that God always has a better plan. That person you want to keep as friend might be your greatest letdown. They might betray you in ways you cannot forget, or make your life a living hell.

Perhaps you are too naïve or lacking some important values that He wants you to learn through rejection. God is the best trainer and in most of the time He does things in order to impart a skill in you. This has happened to me so many times. I have been in teams where the leader entertains every other team member but gives me a cold shoulder, to an extent of ignoring a simple greeting for weeks. Those are the times I have gone to God and asked why such things happen and the answer has always been positive – I am teaching you a, b, c, d!

Whenever you face rejection or any other challenge, learn to go to your Creator and ask why He permitted it. Nothing catches Him by surprise. Sometimes He is even preparing your enemies for judgment, and wants them to hate as much as they can so that their cup may be full – Israelites would not have left Egypt until the iniquity of Amorites was full, because the land they were occupying belonged to Israelites! I have seen this happen so many times.

Another reason rejection occurs is because those people are not meant to be in your life. This is true especially in male/female relationships. I have seen men fight so hard to get a lady whom God has kept for a different person/assignment. We need to learn to respect God’s will. Some even go to the extent of using clichés such as ‘when a woman says no, she means yes’ and vice versa. A woman of integrity, one who knows what they want, will not tolerate double mind. The Bible warns that ‘let your yes be yes and no be no, because anything else comes from the devil’ (Matt 5:37).

If you do not respect her answer, you are only bracing yourself for hurt or even going against God’s will. A true Christian lady has a hint of where God wants her to go, and sometimes has a rough idea of what their God-given spouse will be like. I have seen guys claim that ‘it is God’s will’ while clearly they are imposing their will on a lady. The Bible says that if you approach God with idols in your heart, He will answer you according to those idols (Ezekiel 14:4). So beware of what you claim to be God’s will. Even when it is God’s will for you to date that person, God has given them freewill. Unless your ministry cannot be complete without them, God will allow them the chance to make their own choice. He cannot force someone to love you.  Accept their choice and move on.

Finally, there is the issue of people attracting their kind. A friend used to tell me, if you are always attracting people who reject you, it means you have rejection in yourself. The same is true of cheaters. If you are always attracting people who cheat on you, you are a cheat – even if you are not practicing! The spirit inside you attracts its own kind. So, the moment you realize that the people you meet always reject you and God does not give a reason for it, go and look deep inside you. Ask God to reveal your inner self and deal with all the broken parts of your soul that might be attracting rejection. God is able to heal you and bring you the divine connections you need to reach your destiny.

Remember, as long as you are walking with God, you will never suffer any accidents or misfortunes. Everyone who walks in or out of your life is just obeying what God commissioned long before you were born. Let God’s will be done; let them walk out– but make sure you’re not the one scaring them away!

Celebrate people when they walk into your life, and when they leave, thank God for the moments you shared and wish them well in their journey.