Home Nairobi Dating Single mom survival tips – How to strike a balance in life

Single mom survival tips – How to strike a balance in life


How to enjoy life as a single mom

Life as a single mom is never easy. This is because even though parenting requires 24 hours of her day, she must also pursue own goals and still ensure that the kids are well taken care of. While some single moms may have 50 percent support from their baby daddies, the majority have to grapple with child care alone. I mean, even married women have to spend a little more time taking care of the children and family, leaving them little or no time for leisure and fun. In addition, there are married women who do not get any support from their husbands while others must provide and still deal with a violent arm in the evening.

How did she become a single mom?

Well, much as the majority of single guys want to believe that it is the fault of a woman to be raising kids alone, there are many factors that contribute to single parenthood. There are those who lost their husbands to death, whether natural or not. No woman is happy about losing the father of their children to a crash or war or disease.

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The second category comprises of survivors of domestic violence. Telling a woman to stay in an abusive marriage is like giving her a rope to hang on. The third category is rape survivors. Rape has been used as a weapon of war for centuries, and any woman who decides to keep a baby conceived through rape deserves a lot of respect.

Thirdly, we have teen moms who found themselves engaging in sex without fully understanding the meaning or implications of teen sex. Teen love has actually produced a lot of babies, and very little has been done to protect innocent girls yet you cannot force a woman to marry a guy just because he deposited a seed in her womb.

The fourth category is the group that does not want to get married for one reason or another, yet they want to have children. Sperm banks exist for this very purpose. And for the same purpose, a man in Tanzania has started a company that deals with impregnating women without taking responsibility!

Let’s not forget the case of dead beat fathers. Men who appear to be head over heels in love only to vanish in thin air the moment they hear, “Honey, I missed my period” or “Babe, am expecting your baby.” Hit and run lovers are everywhere, especially when the man is not ready to raise a child. The only disadvantage is that it is the woman who must carry the pregnancy to full term, bear the pain of childbirth and in some cases, provide for the child as the father runs around sowing wild oats. Sometimes, a woman can be so unlucky in relationships that she has several children from multiple dads and no support.

There is another category of women who got pregnant by accident. Like Carol, you can still get pregnant while on contraceptives. “The father of my son was my boyfriend for a year. Things were great until I got pregnant (we used contraceptives).” She is now a single mum after her boyfriend ran away.

The last category is the entrepreneurial woman who gets pregnant, leaves and sues for child support. Due to economic hard times, this trend is growing. More and more women are getting in the business of giving birth for pay. I am not talking about the baby factories in Nigeria, but women who target a loaded man, get pregnant then demand a monthly stipend through the courts. They may have such arrangements with several men, hence addressing their financial needs for good.

However, whether by choice or by accident, a single mom is just a woman like any other. It is important to respect and treat her like a fellow human being. Looking down upon her, subjecting her to harsh judgment and discriminating against her is outright wrong. Every one of us was born of a woman, and if the tides turned, that single mom could have been your mother.

Single mum tips to enjoy life

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And as a single mom, you can always achieve whatever you desire. Parenting is just a task like any other, and your life should never stop because of your child(ren). Yes, you can love again, get married, go to college, get a great job, become a supermodel and still be a supermom. For those who wish to get married, here are some of the ways you can live your life as you wait:

Get a nanny. You need an extra hand in taking care of your child(ren) so you can have some time for yourself. If you do not have enough money to hire a nanny, find a friend or close relative to babysit once in a while so you can go out and meet new people.

Take care of yourself. Just because you are a mom does not mean you stop looking after yourself. Make your hair, clean up, dress up and show up – for dates! Eat healthily and exercise regularly so that your body can look great.

Work on self-improvement. Read books, join clubs, attend social events and interact with others. If there are habits that you need to drop, work on that and ensure you are the best mom as well as the best woman ever.

Be a responsible parent. Set your parenting rules, invest time in teaching your child – you do not know who he/she will become and ensure you direct them well. Avoid introducing them to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. If you are not in a stable relationship, leave your child out of your love life. It is confusing to introduce your child to a million men who come and go.

Get a male mentor for your children. It is best to get a friend or relative whom your child(ren) look up to for direction. They need to have a male figure in their lives who can teach them which way to go.

Establish yourself financially. Women are disadvantaged when it comes to economic progress. They often have no access to inheritance, land or big job opportunities. Some even lose their jobs because of a pregnancy. However, you can always start where you are and grow. It is important to be financially fit to support your child(ren) as this will rule out chances of settling with any man just because of financial support.

Being financially stable will give you an opportunity to be a good parent and also hire an extra hand to look after your baby so you can enjoy your free time. If you do not have access to a good job, learn a skill that can help you generate income, and once you get some little money work on obtaining higher academic qualifications.

Today, there are many websites that offer free online courses that can help you get a job. There are many stay-at-home mum jobs that you can try such as online writing. Just find something to do however small.

In conclusion, being a single mom does not make a woman less human or less woman. Single moms deserve equal opportunities in life, just like everybody else. A chance to education, work, choose, live and even love. Give them an opportunity to live their lives in peace. And if you are a single mom, this should not limit you in any way from achieving your life-long goals. Make every day count but do not forget to give your child(ren) the life they deserve. If you find yourself strapped for time to run your life, get an extra hand even if it means talking to a family member to help you babysit as you pursue other goals.


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