Single mothers do not stay single because they cannot love. Sometimes they date, get married and live happily ever after. I have seen single mothers of more than one, two children get married – in church – to caring, loving, responsible men. So, why do most single mothers stay single?
I spoke to Judy, a single mum of one who says: “It depends on what you are looking for. If you need sex, there are plenty of men around. But from my own experience, getting a real loving man is very hard.”
Judy explains that she has dated a couple of men as a single mom, but she has never felt loved.
From her experience, she says: “Most of the guys I meet think am just good for sex. No going out, no special treats, just showing up when they need sex. And when you need financial help, they are always broke. Maybe am just unlucky but I can’t take that crap anymore!”
Another single mum says she does not need to experiment the hurt.
“I have a couple of friends who’ve been dating. One keeps jumping from one relationship to another until she finally decided to go for a sponsor.”
Asked why, she said they did not find fulfilment.
“It’s like single mums have no place in the dating world. Finding love is just hard.”
And that is why she decided not to try.
It is no lie that most men also feel that dating a single mum is a huge responsibility.
“How will she introduce me to her child?” one Jason wonders, but we realise he also has other fears.
“What if I decide to marry her and the real father comes claiming the child. I will have wasted my energy,” he explains.
Some men feel that the financial implication of dating a single mum is not worth it.
“I will need to take care of her child yet am just a hustler. Why can’t I get one who is not attached?” says John.
Steve, however, differs with Jason saying that it is the ‘unattached’ ladies who drive men crazy.
“If you feel that providing for another man’s child is tough, try these Nairobi women who want you to take them to Seychelles on Valentines and dunda every Friday. My friend, I better date a single mom who knows how to take care of the little money I have. I don’t want to die before my time.”
However, Sally is happily married to a man who takes care of her daughter.
“We did not date for long. He knew what he wanted and when I came along, we clicked. He didn’t see me as a single mom but a potential wife. We respect each other and he supports my daughter as if she was his own.”
She says that before meeting her husband, however, she had been in several defective relationships.
“I was giving up when I met my husband. I had actually come from a very hurting breakup.”
According to Sally, God is the one who provides the right partner. And every single parent should ask God before dating.
“I really felt wasted. But on this day, a friend invited me to a church dinner and there! It’s like this man had been waiting for me all his life,” she narrates, adding that they started growing together in ministry until they got married in the same church.
Yes, single mums can find love but it might take a while. Before committing to a man, test his motive. Some men are just passing by, while others are passing time. Most of the single mums who chose to stay single were once in serious relationships until they found that the man was not there. And those who are happily married were once disappointed. So if you are a single mum looking for love, don’t give up. A good man will show up if you are patient enough.
Do you want to share your story? Write to us via [email protected]
Note: The names used in this story are not their real names.